The One Key to Imparting Faith to Your Daughters
By Sandra Stanley
I come from a long line of women who know how to cook. Both of my grandmothers could create amazing meals. I’m talking meat, three vegetables or side dishes, and a dessert. Twice a day. Oh, and they whipped up a pitcher of sweet tea somewhere in all that kitchen magic.
And then there’s my mom. Ditto on the amazing meal skills for her but add in her homemade sourdough bread that was made fresh every week from a “starter” that lived in the fridge. It looked like a science experiment, and I was always a little scared of it. I would give it sidewise glances when I reached in for the milk and beg it not to come out and take over our home. It was “alive” after all. But Mom could make that stuff do amazing things. She had about a thousand variations of loaves, rolls, sticky buns ... you name it.
Now fast-forward to newly married Sandra. Twenty-two years old and fresh out of college. Skill set: organization, the creation of efficient systems, a bit of accounting and finance, ease in making friends. Zero cooking skills.
However, what I lacked in skill, I made up for in confidence. Ignoring the fact that I had little to no meal planning or cooking experience, I decided that my husband, Andy, and I would host another couple at our house for dinner. I found a handful of recipes that looked easy. I went to the grocery store, bought some food, came home, and got to work.
It did not go well.
The meat was chewy and hard to swallow. The veggies were soggy and slimy. And why I thought a store-bought white cake with green gelatin and whipped topping was a good combo? I don’t even know what to say about that.
The couple we invited over was polite and choked it down. And for whatever reason, they decided to remain friends with us. Nobody mentions that fateful meal, but I bet they haven’t forgotten it.
A Spiritual Lesson
Why am I baring my soul and telling you this? Well, I had been around a lot of people who could cook. I set the table and sometimes put ice in the glasses, but I didn’t participate in the cooking and preparation of any meals. I had no real experience with getting a meal on the table. It wasn’t until I started learning and putting it all into practice that I could make food someone would want to eat!
When it comes to our spiritual lives and how we live out our calling to follow Jesus, the same principle applies. Until we are intentional about understanding what it means to follow him and take steps to grow our faith, we might be around God, but we don’t really know him or follow his calling for our lives. And we miss out.
And our girls miss out too. Because we can’t impart to our daughters what we don’t possess ourselves. We don’t want our daughters just to be around God. We want them to have a relationship with God, through Jesus, that impacts not only their eternity but also how they live their lives. This relationship is the firm foundation that not only serves them well throughout their lives but also allows them to live lives that honor the God in whose image they were made!
So how do we get it right? How do we lead our daughters into a growing relationship with Jesus Christ? One that honors God, honors the people around them, and honors themselves and their futures? How do we move our girls toward having a foundation of faith that impacts their daily lives?
The answer? It starts with us.
A Different Kind of Modeling
As you may well know, life delivers some bumpy circumstances and tricky situations. You have the honor of guiding and coaching your daughter along the way. To do that successfully, and in ways that truly impact her, walking your talk is imperative. What you model for your daughter makes a larger impact than your words alone.
That said, I have some good news and some bad news. How about we start with the bad? Bad news: Praying the salvation prayer and coming to faith in Jesus Christ doesn’t make all of life straighten out and our problems go away. There is no magic button to change our circumstances, and our lives don’t instantly become problem-free. But you knew that already.
Now for the good news: We are not alone in our faith journey. A fancy theological word you might’ve heard before is sanctification. It simply means the process of becoming more and more like Jesus as we mature in our faith. And that is the primary purpose of Meet Me in the Middle: to help you and the teen girl in your life move in the direction of the heavenly Father who loves you, the Savior who gave his life for you, and the Helper who is in it with you.
As I mentioned, we’re not on the sanctification journey alone. And that’s not just good news. That is really good news. Once we place our faith in the death and resurrection of Jesus, we have help. Actually, it’s even better than that.
We have a Helper. God is present with us through the Holy Spirit.
A Helper We Can’t Live Without
John 16:13 tells us the Holy Spirit guides us into all truth. He helps us know what’s true and what’s not. And he also makes known to us what God wants us to know: “When he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.”
In John 14:26, Jesus says the Helper will teach us and help us remember things he’s taught us. He’ll bring to our minds what we need, when we need it: “The Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and remind you of all that I said to you” (NASB). I could definitely use help with that!
In Galatians 5:22–23, the apostle Paul tells us that the “fruit” of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. That means the Holy Spirit produces those fruits inside us. And we have them at our disposal to relate to the world around us. How amazing is that?
This is how we grow in our spiritual maturity. As we depend on the power and enablement of the Holy Spirit, our Helper, we are able to “grow up” in Christ. We become more like him. He lives in us and through us and impacts every part of our lives.
We say all the time at our church: “Following Jesus will make your life better and make you better at life.” It’s true. The more like Christ we are, the better our lives are. Not problem-free, of course, because we live in a world that delivers problems fairly frequently. But in the midst of it all, our lives are much better and richer and full of joy.
Growing Up in Him
So how do we do that? How do we actually follow Jesus, and what does that even mean?
First, we learn. We take in the information. We spend time reading the Bible, praying, listening to sermons, and using resources that teach us the truths of God’s Word. Maybe we join a Bible study or a small group. As we do these things, the Holy Spirit meets us and does the work of planting God’s truth inside us.
Our time alone with God—our personal devotional time, or quiet time—is a time when we pray. We make our requests known to God. Just like you love the connection that happens when your daughter shares her desires and hopes and wants with you, your heavenly Father also loves that connection with you.
Pulling away to be with God, to read his words to us, is the best way to renew our minds and dwell on things that are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, good, and praiseworthy. Then what we learn about God takes root in our hearts. And we apply what we’ve learned. Our faith begins informing how we live our actual lives. And this is where some amazing things happen. We begin seeing changes in our perspectives, our attitudes, and our behaviors.
When we’re trying to live God’s way, we obey what God says, even when it’s hard. We start experiencing the benefits of obeying him and following his ways. We strengthen our faith muscle, and what’s important to God becomes increasingly important to us. It’s a transformation. Sometimes it’s slow, sometimes not.
But we are growing and we are changing and we are maturing in our faith. And over time, following the way of Jesus becomes our default. There is no magic button to change our circumstances so that our lives become problem-free. But we find that we’re not doing life alone. Our powerful God is with us, through the presence of his Spirit. And as the truths of God’s Word take root in us, our lives begin to change.
So where do you hope to lead your daughter? Do you want to help her lay a foundation of faith? Again, we can’t impart to our daughters what we don’t possess ourselves. So evaluate, make some adjustments if needed, and develop the kind of rhythm with God that you want your daughter to have. The rewards of growth and intimacy with God will be rich for you and for her as you become more and more like Jesus.
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Adapted from Meet Me in the Middle: 8 Mother-Daughter Conversations about Life and Faith, by Sandra Stanley and Allie Stanley Cooney. Click here to learn more about his book.
You can have an open and trusting relationship with your teenager. Mother-and-daughter team Sandra Stanley and Allie Stanley Cooney write in alternating chapters to you and your middle school/early high school daughter in this unique, interaction-prompting book that will help you grow in connection, communication, and faith.
Some conversations between parent and child don't happen until a crisis forces them to occur. At that point, defenses go up, lines are drawn, feelings are hurt, and solutions seem out of reach. But what if those conversations happened before a crisis? This book helps make that happen.
As leaders at one of the country's largest churches, Sandra Stanley and Allie Stanley Cooney not only have professional backgrounds working with young people, they have walked this path together. In Meet Me in the Middle, they draw on their experience to help you:
- Use eight planned opportunities to have comfortable discussions with your daughter about the topics you care about most
- Learn natural ways to communicate your faith
- Hear firsthand what your daughter is most stressed about
- Help your daughter navigate fear and anxiety
- Approach the tricky subjects of friends, boys, and dating
Discussion questions, Scripture, activity ideas, and outing suggestions in Meet Me in the Middle help pave the way to a strong, trusting relationship. As you and your daughter step toward one another, you'll explore how you both can:
- Grow in faith as you find your identity and self-worth in Christ
- Avoid the comparison trap
- Nurture healthy relationships
- Keep communication open
Meet Me in the Middle guides you to a loving, trusting relationship with your tween or teen daughter as you grow closer, seek out God together, and enjoy each other along the way.
Sandra Stanley received her bachelor of science degree from Georgia Tech and master of arts from Dallas Theological Seminary. She co-authored Parenting: Getting It Right with her husband Andy. Sandra has a heart for foster kids and foster families, as she and Andy have been foster parents since 2010. Her ministry passion is promoting foster care in the local church. Much of her time these days is spent working on various writing projects and continuing her involvement with Fostering Together, the foster care initiative of North Point Ministries.
