\n\t\tWhen Broken Becomes Beautiful: Learning the Language of Lament\n\t<\/h2>\n\t
By Esther Fleece Allen<\/p>\n\t
![\"Esther](\"\/p\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2020\/04\/EstherFleeceAllen_330.png\")
Spiritual maturity does not mean living a lament-less life; rather, it means we grow into becoming good lamenters and thus grow in our need for God. The songs of lament are the very songs we need for healing and wholeness, yet how many of us are singing them in our church services today? We often call worship music “praise songs”-and these are good and necessary songs guiding us to praise God for who He is and what He has done for us. But where are the songs asking God for help? Where are the songs expressing the harsh realities of the world we live in, while looking to the only Savior? If we begin to believe God only accepts “happy” songs, our perception of God and the life of faith will be skewed.<\/p>\n
My silenced cries prevented me from seeing a clear picture of God. Throughout Scripture, we see that God Himself is deeply emotional; each member of the Trinity has experienced grief.<\/p>\n
God the Father grieves:<\/em> “Then the Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great on the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. The Lord was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart” (Genesis 6:5-6<\/a> NASB). The Holy Spirit grieves:<\/em> “Yet they rebelled and grieved his Holy Spirit” (Isaiah 63:10<\/a>).<\/p>\n Jesus grieves:<\/em> He grieved over His friend Lazarus’s death, even though He knew Lazarus would live again. The shortest verse in the Bible is rich with theological insight: “Jesus wept” (John 11:35<\/a>). In just two words, we are given a glimpse into the depth of emotion of our Savior-who entered into our suffering to be with us out of incredible love.<\/p>\n If we don’t allow painful emotions to surface, then we are setting expectations for ourselves that even God cannot meet. Nobody laments more than God Himself. And we are called to be like Him.<\/p>\n What a kind God we have, who has warned us that pain in this life will<\/em> come and has given us a language to relate to Him in the midst of it. We are not abandoned in a lament; we are being refined, renewed, and held. When we begin to understand God as a God who weeps, we begin to see Him as someone safe to run to in the midst of our pain.<\/p>\n Lament<\/em> is not a common word in our churches today, though it is a language woven throughout Scripture. A lament is a passionate expression of our pain that God meets us in. It’s real talk with God about the ways we are hurting. It’s an honest prayer to God about where we are, not where we are pretending to be. A lament may take the form of a plea for help in a time of distress or a protest over injustice. Strong’s Hebrew concordance says that the word lament<\/em> has the same root word as “to mourn” and “to wail.” Isn’t that amazing? Lament doesn’t have to be a formal, structured prayer. This prayer is not about being polite or restrained or holding it together. No, lament is about our most honest expression of pain. Lament is about tapping honestly into our emotions in a deep and primal way that sometimes transcends words. I am comforted to know that God meets us here, any way we choose to cry out.<\/p>\n But in my experience, Christians are not exactly known for being a lamenting people. Too often, we suck it up instead and prescribe a misguided interpretation of how to live with loss. How many of us mistakenly believe that our strength is what God wants from us, when it is our brokenness that actually attracts Him the most?<\/p>\n It was never meant to be this way. God’s grace meets us where we are, not where we pretend to be.<\/p>\n It takes only a peek at Scripture to challenge our misconceptions. Did you know that Abraham lamented? Joseph lamented. David lamented. Ezekiel and Jeremiah, Rachel and Hannah, Peter and Paul all lamented. The majority of the psalms are laments, and the Old Testament even has a book called Lamentations, written by a weeping prophet.<\/p>\n What would we miss if we removed laments from the Bible? We would miss entire books; we would lose stories of people we can relate to; we would miss out on receiving and knowing God’s presence, comfort, and provision in the midst of our stories. We might even miss our Savior, because Jesus Himself lamented the brokenness He encountered in our broken world.<\/p>\n To know God is to need God. So where are all the needy Christians? Every church in America dedicates a portion of the service to worship-with happy, upbeat music and key changes that rise with electric emotion. Where is the time dedicated to lament? Too many of us affirm happy emotions while neglecting painful ones.<\/p>\n People are leaving the church because they are being told their pain isn’t welcome, that there’s no place for their pain when they rush through our doors. It appears we are keeping disappointment and heartache inside the counseling offices instead of expressing them in corporate worship or even from the pulpit. What would happen if our pastors opened up about their unanswered prayers? What if our leaders shared with us their hurts and fears so we would not feel alone in ours? The church is at its healthiest when it is a safe place to lament, to heal, and to worship, and it is most unhealthy when we don’t allow heartache and disappointment to be expressed. If we are operating this way-as churches or small groups or disciples of Christ, do we recognize that even Jesus Himself would not have found a home in our presence?<\/p>\n I’m not sharing these things to put one more thing on your to-do or to-be list; I am simply saying it because faking fine almost killed my faith. I’m not saying this to dishonor the church either, because I love the church. I am merely trying to pose the question: Where have all the lamenters gone? To be the church that Jesus hoped for, we need this language in our life together.<\/p>\n But it seems to me that lament is the prayer we have forgotten. We are so quick to get to the beauty that we skip over the brokenness or have a hard time seeing beauty arise amidst brokenness. This has led us into some dangerous and unbiblical theology. And if we are going to recover a healthy, biblical understanding of how God meets us in our pain, we need to recover the lost prayer of lament in our churches. Authentic praise flows from honest prayer, unrestrained lament, and trusting dependence. And this is when brokenness becomes beautiful.<\/p>\n Lament not only draws us near to God; it draws God near to us. Lamenting allows the Spirit of God to intercede on our behalf, and through this honest groaning, a sweet trust in God can grow.<\/p>\n That doesn’t mean God doesn’t want us to be happy. But sometimes life is incredibly hard, and in these moments, God wants our sad. My faking fine for many years was really a vain attempt to keep God happy with me. I didn’t know that God could be happy with my sad. Having all of me is what makes God happy. He doesn’t want my portions of sad rearranged or sanitized before I come to Him. My questions, laments, doubts, and fears-all of these can be handled by Him and held by Him. It’s what He is there for! Not just some<\/em> of our genuine emotions, but all of them.<\/p>\n God understands the complexity of human emotions. But I had to be willing to communicate with Him to see what I needed and what He was doing and to uncover the false beliefs prohibiting my intimacy with Him.<\/p>\n While a lament may not change our circumstances, it will help clear up our misunderstandings about God. When we lament to God, we see Him more clearly on the other side. God does not leave us in lament, any more than He leaves us forever in this messed-up world. A lament is a pathway; it serves a purpose. But a lament denied turns into a lie, and this is why God wants us to express them freely. Because if faking fine keeps us stuck in our pain, even though we pretend we’re okay, lament becomes an authentic pathway leading to real healing. Life in this world is painful-excruciatingly so at times-but reclaiming the language of lament allows God to infuse His very being into ours and equip us to face the challenges of life with perseverance, trust, and a sense of purpose.<\/p>\n Faking fine is hurting us, and it’s time to break our habit. A lament, on the other hand, is a cry that God can work with, because it keeps the conversation going just when we need Him most. In fact, learning to lament saved my faith, and I want it to save yours too.<\/p>\n\t Share:<\/strong><\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tShare on Facebook\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tShare on Linkedin\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tShare on Pinterest\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tShare on Reddit\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tShare on Twitter\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t Scripture reveals a God who meets us where we are, not where we pretend to be. No More Faking Fine<\/em><\/a> is your invitation to get gut-level honest with God through the life-giving language of lament.<\/p>\n If you’ve ever been given empty clich\u00e9s during challenging times, you know how painful it can feel to be misunderstood by well-meaning people. When life hurts hard, we often feel pressure-from others and ourselves-to keep it together, to suck it up, or pray it away. But Scripture reveals a God who lovingly invites us to give honest voice to our emotions when life hurts hard.<\/p>\n For most of her life, Esther Fleece Allen believed she could bypass the painful emotions of her broken past by shutting them down altogether. She was known by all as an achiever and an overcomer on the fast track to success. But in silencing her pain, she robbed herself of the opportunity to be healed. Maybe you’ve done the same.<\/p>\n Esther’s journey into healing began when she discovered that God has given us a real-world way to deal with our raw emotions and an alternative to the coping mechanisms that end up causing more pain. It’s called lament-the gut-level, honest prayer that God never ignores, never silences, and never wastes.<\/p>\n No More Faking Fine<\/em><\/a> is your permission to lament, taking you on a journey down the unexpected pathway to true intimacy with God. Drawing from careful biblical study and hard-won insight, Esther reveals how to use God’s own language to come closer to him as he leads us through our pain to the light on the other side.<\/p>\n And, like Esther, you’ll soon find that when one person stops faking fine, it gives permission to everyone else to do the same.<\/p>\n Esther Fleece Allen<\/strong> loves to connect people around the world to practical, faith-centered tools for living through every season, good and bad. Esther is a graduate of the Oxford Centre for Christian Apologetics and is currently in seminary. When she’s not traveling to speak or teach, she enjoys making a home with her husband and children. Keep up with Esther’s growing family and global adventures at EstherFleeceAllen.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t Coping with Crisis HOME | Grief & Loss | Hope & Encouragement | Stories of Coping | Tools for Coping When Broken Becomes Beautiful: Learning the Language of Lament By Esther Fleece Allen Spiritual maturity does not mean living a lament-less life; rather, it means we grow into becoming good lamenters and thus grow in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-9751","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n![\"rule\"](\"\/p\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2020\/04\/Rule1_330.png\")
<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"\/p\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2020\/04\/NoMoreFakingFine_330.png\")
<\/a>Adapted from No More Faking Fine: Ending the Pretending<\/em><\/a> by Esther Fleece Allen.<\/p>\n![\"Zondervan](\"\/p\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2019\/08\/zondervan-books-logo-bk.png\" "\\"zondervan-books-logo-bk\\""){kind=logo}
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